True love, by fridge magnet
navigation.
The more you narrow the focus of
your attention, the more clarity you will have for your target. Be the Love
Sniper.
To truly hear a voice, you must
first cut out the noise that surrounds it. That includes your own inner voice
by the way. Several years ago I decided that an increased action plan for
physical fitness was appropriate, as being a motorcycle racer gets more
challenging with both every birthday over the optimum age of thirty and each
teenage whippersnapper that wants to try his luck against me on the racetrack. But
the increase in physical health from working out was being compromised by an
unforeseen downside. You see, the gym of which I’m a member certainly doesn’t
share my personal taste in music. Not only that, but they play their duff musical
offerings rather loudly, so whilst I was there I had to combat this by turning
the volume up to maximum on my i-pod in order to cancel out the background noise
and listen to my own tunes. It wasn’t long before I noticed that I was not only
leaving the gym with glowing muscles, but also ringing ears. The increase in
fitness was sadly being offset by the damage I was doing to my hearing whilst I
was there. The solution turned out to be quite a simple (if somewhat expensive)
one. I contacted a company who specialise in earplugs for orchestra conductors
who then took moulds of my ears and manufactured some bespoke plugs that had
‘monitors’ (miniature ultra-high clarity speakers) inside. The result was that,
as I was insulated from the club’s duff tunes, I could lower the volume of my
own music to an acceptable level and still hear it with pinpoint clarity.
I had cut out the background noise.
The way in which this applies to
finding the man of your dreams is that, although you may feel you would just be
happy with any reasonable man that doesn’t take you for granted or just
appreciates you for who you are, (things I hear form my one-on-one clients all
the time, click here to find out more) I think we both know that deep down
inside that that’s not really what you crave, now is it?
Every single one of us on this spinning
dirtball we call earth has an idea of who our perfect partner is, what they
might wear, where they may take us and what kinds of friends they have. Do they
like Sushi, salsa, swinging or Karaoke? Denim shorts, posh frocks, L.A. or
Thailand? London clubs, country pubs, holidays to Ibiza, Canada, India or
Crete? Are they blonde, brunette, black, white, bald or punk? Fat, slim, short,
tall, muscular or cuddly? Are they rich, poor, visionary, eco or simply content
to be who they are? Round-faced, long-faced, chiselled or dorky? Tattoos and
piercings or Brogues and a tie? City boy, fly boy, dealer, shopkeeper, office
boy or dreamer? Ferrari, truck, camper-van, company car or bike? Voodoo, Hindu,
Buddhist, Christian, atheist or Jew?
The list is endless, and so are
your options. But unless you become specific in what kind of man you are
looking for, chances are you’ll end up with somebody that’s not quite right. It’s
like saying that you’ll eat anything, but when served up a plate of battered
cockroaches, you all of a sudden find that you’ve lost your appetite. This may
be an acceptable meal to some people, but maybe for you it’s simply that you
haven’t been specific enough in what you’ve ordered. Now don’t get me wrong,
I’m not going to recommend you just trust in some ‘Secret’ thing that once you
order what you want from the Universe then it’s going to provide a constant
stream of hot men to your door without you doing anything other than ‘believing
it’s going to happen’, but you have to get both realistic and precise in what
you are looking for in a man. I say realistic, only to add a slice of reality
to your quest. I once had a student that was so obsessed with George Clooney
that she wouldn’t compromise at all. The only thing she wanted to know was what
contacts I had that may be able to get a personal introduction to him. So far
as I know, she still lives in Sutton and is yet to meet him, despite the thirty
or so eligible men I introduced her to, but I digress.
The idea of this tip is to fine
tune your ‘perceptual filters’ to notice what you are really looking for and
disregard that which is inappropriate for you. There is a section in one of my
books (Mr Right) that explains ‘perceptual filters’ in greater depth and how we
often can’t see the clues and obvious signals that are around us every day so
I’d recommend you read it now (www.mr-right.me), but until you do, here’s a
quick example of how they work:
Go into another room in your
house (or shop if you’re in Starbucks, you get the idea) and notice all the
items in that room that are red. Go on, do it now and don’t read any further
until you’ve done it, then come back and read on.
Okay, with all the red items now prominent
in your mind, I want you to write a list of all the green items that were in
that room. Not so easy is it? Well that’s because your perceptual filters have
deleted most of the information about other coloured objects from your mind as
you gave it the specific instruction to sort only for red items. This is a
natural process that happens inside of your head all day, every day. Have you
ever had a boyfriend with a certain type of car and as soon as you split up
with him, all you can see is his type of car everywhere? Did you ever notice
them before you went out with him? I didn’t think so.
So if this is how filters work, surely
you can use them to your advantage by training your brain to notice the aspects
of the men you find attractive and therefore zoom in on that type of man like a
laser beam. I’ve tried it with some of my 1:1 students and it really works
fantastically, so why not give it a go.
Let’s begin by performing one
simple task: Take a pen and just randomly list as many words you can think of
that you can associate with your perfect partner. Next, when you have at least
fifty, yes at least fifty, narrow them down to your own personal top ten. These
top ten aspects you need to write on your refrigerator door, be it with those
magnetic letters or post-it-notes, whatever best gets the message across. Next,
the remaining forty need to be individually cut up into single word prompts and
taped to the items you come into contact with every day like your lip-gloss,
coffee jar, hairbrush, or mirror. Leave them there for exactly a week, (just 7
days, no longer, no shorter). This will teach your unconscious mind to notice
more of the people around you that have these traits or features. You are
literally training your brain to sort for the specific type of man you find
attractive whilst relegating the less attractive ones to the background. This
is a powerful exercise because it forces the mind to focus on what is important
to you and delete the rest as background noise.
The man of your dreams is rarely
only 7 days away (but you just might meet him tomorrow, remember that, it’s
important) so repeat this exercise on the first day of every month. You’ll also
notice after a couple of goes that your list becomes far more defined and accurate
for what you really want from your man. But remember, this is a ‘wish list’ to
guide you, not a rigid set of rules he must conform to, so as you learn to
narrow your focus, remember to keep your options well and truly wide open ;o)
So until next month, go out, have
fun and keep that fabulous smile of yours beaming!
