Girl Unplugged

As the great William Shakespeare never once said:

“To pod, or not to pod? That is the question.”

Yet it’s something you really need to consider. Every day there seems to be an ever increasing number of girls wandering around with a pair of headphones in their ears wired directly to their mobile phones or mp3 players, all delivering a range of sounds from the sweet melodies of Tchaikovsky to the frantic pace of Pendulum. There’s also audio books, hypnosis and personal development programs by the boatload to keep you entertained on your commute to work or during that short walk to the shops. In fact, there’s so much good stuff out there you could spend the rest of your life plugged into your headphones and still miss something wonderful that could suit you perfectly. But what are you really missing out on by staying plugged in?

Here’s something that you may not have noticed until now. As soon as you plug yourself in, you dull down all of your other senses because the auditory part of your brain becomes more dominant. Think about it, have you ever had somebody stand two feet away from you waving their hands to get your attention whilst you stand in an oblivious trance with Riana or J-Lo bouncing around inside your ears?

We all do it, and I love having music to help me through the day as much as anyone, but the whole time you have your focus on the auditory part of your brain you’re missing out on the subtle clues around you that might lead to an interesting conversation with a tall handsome stranger… Not only that, but if you observe those around you wearing headphones, you’ll notice that they all have a slightly vacant expression on their faces.

This is because the kinesthetic part of the brain that controls muscle movement is playing second fiddle to the auditory part.* Just as the “fight or flight” response shuts down digestion and daydreaming, over stimulation of the auditory circuit reduces the attention usually reserved for vision or muscles. Now whilst this auditory distraction may be a good thing if you’re on the treadmill and end up running for twice your usual distance because you were listening to some particularly bangin’ tracks (and notice how when you really zoned out your vision became less focused as well), it doesn’t really help you in the quest for finding the man of your dreams (unless you’re exceptionally obese, but I know you aren’t).

So not only are you missing out on the clues that available men are giving off, you also look like a zombie whilst you do it! It’s lose-lose however you view it and it isn’t helping you to be more attractive. To add a whopper-triple-whammy to it, guys will almost never approach a girl who’s wearing earphones because it’s not only a signal to us that you don’t want to be disturbed, but it’s also an easy cop-out that most men cling onto to avoid the fear of rejection and justify why they didn’t approach you.

I know this sounds ridiculous but 99.999% of guys are afraid of approaching you and starting a conversation. Seriously! All you are doing by putting in headphones is making sure that the one solid decent guy that might have taken a chance on finding out who you really are is going to walk right by you with nothing but a fleeting burst of eye contact and a missed opportunity that may have changed the rest of your life.

Why would you risk that for the sake of a song?

Do yourself a favour and keep your eyes and ears open to the possibility of a new interaction. Who knows, the next person you sit next to on the bus or in the park may end up being the love of your life, but he might never find out if you're too focused on your own internal world.

To make sure the next hot guy to walk past you stops for a stimulating conversation, head to http://www.mr-right.me/your_special_day.html

*unless you are at a live event where the vibration of the music stimulates the auditory and kinesthetic circuit in equal measures, that’s why you feel compelled to sing and dance.

Tip of the Iceberg

An Iceberg may have been the downfall of the most famous ship in history, but your chances of communicating effectively with a man could be just as easily doomed as that maiden voyage was, if you fail to understand the basic nature of how men and women differ in their ways of communicating.

In the study of conversation, there are two elements to every sentence:

The Surface Structure which is the actual words you say, the visible tip of the iceberg so to speak. And the Deep Structure, which is the many permutations of their meaning, or what really lurks below the surface.

For example, the statement: ‘That blouse is quite tight’ (surface structure) could have several interpretations (deep structure)

A. You could lose a few pounds.

B. They may have a larger size in stock.

C. It makes you look a little trampy.

D. You’re not a teenager anymore.

E. It shows off your assets perfectly.

F. That should get all the men’s attention.

And often, the interpretation you choose will be the one that most accurately fits your model of the world. So in the above example, if you know you’re a little over your usual weight you may instantly jump to option A. Conversely, if you are of a slight build and want to advertise the fact, then option F will seem more appropriate. Therefore you will presume that this is what the person making the comment wishes to communicate. But what about when it’s a little less clear cut? You make a judgment based on the many other clues you are given at the time; tonality, inflection, facial gestures, the character of the person who made the statement, the context, etc.

Women are exceptional in their ability to perform a swift trans-derivational search and come up with an appropriate meaning. Men, however, aren’t.

Men communicate mainly in surface structure only. That means when you say to him that his shirt is quite tight, he literally translates this into ‘man talk’ that you’ve simply made an observation. He won’t think any deeper about it unless you elaborate with more clues for him or he sees a mirror.

The idea of surface and deep structure is highlighted even further when we consider that women tend to communicate in terms of emotions and feelings, whereas men deal with the bare facts. It’s why ‘Sex in the city’ has a predominantly female audience whereas Chelsea versus Arsenal is generally male dominated.

So, to use this information to your advantage whilst chatting to a fabulously wonderful man, you might want to use slightly more descriptive language than you would with your girlfriends, to draw out the deeper emotional side of him that can be found lurking just below the surface.

Here’s an example of how this could work in a conversation at, say, an art gallery.

You spot him sitting on one of the benches that lie in the middle of the room. He’s looking relaxed and seems to be either deep in thought or is studying the piece in front of him through squinting eyes.

You approach, sit near enough to him to allow easy conversation but not right on top of him, then use your pre-opener followed by an observational opener. (Those unfamiliar with these terms and how to seamlessly begin an interaction with a new guy can download the details here: http://www.mr-right.me/products_and_services/A4pdf-1.html) You can then, after a few moments of light banter continue with something like this:

‘It’s incredible isn’t it, even though I don’t have the slightest idea about art, you can really appreciate how, when you see a piece of art like this, you feel a real sensation of sympathy for what the artist was feeling at the time.’

Or at a wine tasting:

‘It’s incredible isn’t it, even though I don’t have the slightest idea about wine, I love the fruity tang of when it first hits my tongue, followed by the warm silky feeling in my throat as I swallow it. But that’s nothing compared to the fab buzzy feeling I get from the third glass of course, cheers!’

Okay, I can hear you from here! Yes I know that a wine tasting or art gallery will generally lend themselves to more descriptive conversations, and this technique might not be so appropriate whilst picking leeks in your local co-op, but guess what? If you make it a priority to go to more culturally enhancing events, then you’ll not only meet a wider range of men, but you’ll actually have something interesting to say to the chap sat opposite you on the 7:58 to Waterloo on Tuesday morning as well!

Go out, have fun, and remember that a stranger isn’t a stranger; they’re just a future friend or partner you’ve yet to meet.

Hx

Location, Location, Location.

There are some questions that will always crop up like clockwork, every time I hold a live event, a coffee morning or coach somebody on a 1:1 basis. So today I’m addressing one of the most frequently asked questions I get as soon as you girls begin to learn the secrets of attracting your perfect Mr Right.

Where are all the decent men hiding?

So below, I’ve compiled a list of my top 5 venues where you’re most likely to find him, and before you read on, please note the absence of any bars, clubs or internet dating sites.

“Wow” I hear you say, “you mean to say that single men really do exist out in the real world?!”

Err, yes, if you know where to look. As those who have already read my book “Mr Right” will know, I believe that the traditional places for finding a partner for life (bars, clubs, pubs, dating websites etc.) are actually the worst environments to do it, not the best. This is because they are all unnatural environments that don’t necessarily reflect your usual behaviour once in a stable relationship. After all, would you surf the internet to find new friends? (Okay, the facebook addicts can put their hands down now) Would you wander down to your local pub/club/bar in order to find someone that might be offering that perfect new job you’ve been looking for? Of course not (I hope!)

So why do people repeatedly use these environments to choose their partner for life?

Answer: Habit.

So in order to break the habit, you need a new and improved one. Here are my top 5 tips of both venues and a few accompanying ideas of how to initiate a conversation in a natural, non-needy way once you spot him there…

1. Art Gallery.

The perfect environment for a natural conversation to develop around the piece of art you both find yourself staring at. Art is always subjective, it stirs a feeling inside you and even the most uneducated of human beings have an opinion on it. It’s the easiest place in the world to start a conversation because the environment evokes emotion on many levels, and what better starting point for getting to know somebody.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that the galleries will be full of stuffy “arty” types, you’ll be sure to find some incredibly interesting people inside the walls of these places, and are usually quite well-heeled to boot.

Insider info: The smaller the gallery the better, you’re more likely to bump into the same person a couple of times, therefore increasing the likelihood of a conversation being initiated. Also, most shops that sell art to the public have a mailing list of private launches that they will invite you to. You don’t have to buy anything, or even be knowledgeable, you just get a party invitation from them once or twice a year.

2. Wine Tasting.

This has all the trappings of a perfect environment. It’s in the host’s interests to ensure everyone is having a good time because if people feel comfortable, they’re more likely to buy a case of the wine he’s sloshing into your glass for free. Everyone has a common interest in discussing each bottle’s attributes whilst the usual social barriers fade into the distance with the onset of tipsiness. Perfect! Just be careful not to get sloshed and end up doing something that even Bridget Jones might cringe at.

3. Public Transport.

Useful, now you have the warm glow from the wine tasting, you’ll probably talk to everyone on the bus en-route home. Aside from that, all means of public transport are fantastic places to begin an interaction, and by this I include airport lounges, the escalators up and down the shopping centre or tube station, lifts, busses, trains, anywhere that you are going to be in a fixed environment with somebody for a period of time.

For example, here’s one way of starting a conversation on a train, it’s a question followed by a statement that leads gently into a conversation without seeming forced or fake. I’ve kept it briefer than it would naturally be in conversation due to the fact that I’m just illustrating the idea, not the content (and yes, it did really happen to me)

“Does this train go to Birmingham?”

“Yes, it does.”

“Just thought I’d check as the signs on the platform were a little confusing. I once ended up standing all the way to Paris due to a mix up of platforms.”

“Really.”

“Yes, I boarded the packed Eurostar train just before departure, and arrived at my seat to find an elderly lady sat in it. I pointed the fact out to her that she was sat in my seat, but she was adamant it was hers. I therefore retrieved the ticket from my pocket and waved it under the dozy bat’s nose, clearly depicting the seat, row and carriage that she was occupying. She looked a little befuddled and then checked her ticket which also sported the same seat, aisle and carriage number as mine. Swearing to wring the neck of the travel agent upon my return, I then stood in the aisle for the duration of our journey. Several hours later, upon hearing the announcement that we would shortly be reaching our destination; Gare de Nord, Paris, The old bat then piped up with a mumbled apology, as she was meant to be on the Brussels train, not the Paris one!”

"How interesting, it reminds me of..."

This story always gets a laugh, and is just an example of how a conversation on a train can be created with little prompting or thought. If you commute on the train every day, it may be worth doing a little homework and coming up with something similar that you can use, should you end up sat opposite Him on your journey home one evening.

If you think this sounds a little forward or far-fetched, one of my close friends had their first child last year, with a man she met on the 6-15 from Waterloo on a rainy dismal Tuesday evening.

4. Department Store.

“What!” I hear you say. Yes, really, a department store is the most magical place to hunt down that perfect man of your dreams. Don’t believe me? Well this weekend, head out to a city near you and just take your eyes off of all the sparkly things with price tags on long enough to take in your environment and just marvel at the number of men all around you.

Don’t be fooled if they have girls with them, often guys will take a friend along for a female opinion on clothes or home-wares. It doesn’t mean that they’re in a relationship, a simple observation of their body language towards each other should reveal the answer in most cases (If the guy looks happy and positive but there’s little intimate physical contact like hand holding, touching in intimate areas like around the waist, inside thigh, bum etc. or prolonged eye gazing then they are probably just friends).

Head to a men’s clothing department and pick out two shirts that you quite like, then search for your nearest man hunk in order to get his opinion on which he would prefer. You can act as-if you are buying for a friend’s birthday or something similar but just can’t make your mind up. If this is too bold for you, then try asking a couple of assistants for their opinion first, as this will always boost your conversational muscles.

After all, they’re being paid just to be nice to you so you’re only helping them do their job!

5. Sporting Events.

Whilst I’m an avid fan of keeping a healthy mind & body, you should also realise that it can be a great help in finding your soul-mate whilst you do it. Now I wouldn’t recommend entering a triathlon if you have a cream cake, beer and cigarette addiction, whilst your family has a history of dodgy heart conditions, I would however, wholeheartedly recommend choosing an activity that fits within your capabilities and lifestyle. After all, there are walking clubs that organise a riverside amble whilst dangling the metaphoric carrot of a pub lunch at the end of it up and down the country every weekend of the year.

There’s also hoards of men flocking to the various sports grounds and stadiums week in-week out for their fix of cheering and camaraderie, imagine how much attention a group of five or six single girls would get in an environment like that, quite a lot I would think… Then there’s the various clubs offering anything from badminton to bowls, hockey to horse riding, scaling a cliff face to sailing a skiff race. There’s a wealth of leisure pastimes that would promote easy conversation and an instant connecting topic to build on. You get the added bonus of doing something healthy, and you are in an environment with like-minded people who you are more likely to have other things in common with.

Actually, on second thoughts, I’m being ridiculous here.

Surely you’d be better off standing with your back to the bar in a loud club, listening to the onslaught of overly suggestive slurs coming out of the mouth of yet another bloke called Darren from Croydon, who you’re sure you recognise from the iffy picture on “Perfect-soulmate.con” but he doesn’t now seem to be the attractive prospect you’d imagined from reading his description, with that “gsoh, generous and athletic person who loves both the passion and adventure of an impromptu weekend away, as well as the relaxed intimacy of a glass of wine and a dvd whilst cuddled up on the sofa” type of personality his profile might have suggested…

For more great tips and to get your copy of Mr Right-the book, please click the link below:

Yes, I want to find my perfect Mr Right!

Author: Hag Hughes.

reasons to get intimate (as if you ever needed a reason!)

 
The article below was written by by Parul Tyagi and published in EzineArticles
 I found it on one of Paulo Coelho's tweets and thought you may find it interesting...

Paulo Coelho’s book titled “Eleven Minutes” suggests that the “act of coming together” just takes about 2-3 minutes, while the remaining 9 minutes are no more than an attempt to reach the “crescendo” when a hormonal discharge provides ecstasy like none other!
Scientists have often debated that sex is extremely beneficial for our health, but the lack of sex in good measures can have negative effects. On the other hand, too much sex can also be harmful; if you indulge in sex for more than 3 times a week, you are exposing yourself to the risk of a weaker immune system as well as vulnerability to infections…

1. The balance of your mental and emotional health is definitely influenced by sex. While abstinence often leads to anxiety or paranoia and even depression…having sex can cure cases of light depressions. After having exercised sex, the brain releases endorphins that decrease stress and induce a wonderful state of euphoria.

2. For all you women, having regular sex means freedom from expensive salon treatments. An excellent beauty treatment, having sex actually doubles the level of estrogen in women and makes their hair shine with brilliance while making their skin supple and softer.

3. And if you want to live longer, then look no further than your own bedroom. According to a research carried out at Queens University in Belfast, Ireland, having regular sex increases the lifespan in humans. It was found that out of the people of the same age and health, those who had more frequent orgasms faced 50% less death rate than who people who didn’t have frequent orgasms.

4. Sex is an excellent deep-cleansing treatment as well. Since sex is a strenuous but enjoyable exercise, when you have sex the pores of your skin are cleansed leaving a brighter and glowing skin as well as decreasing the risk of developing dermatitis.

5. An inexpensive and pleasurable exercise, sex can make you lose weight. When you have sex after a candlelight romantic dinner, not only do you burn all the fat and carbohydrates you consumed, but you also stay healthy at no extra cost! Consider this: A single session of passionate, mind-blowing sex (even regular sex) can burn about 200 calories. This is equivalent to running for 15 minutes on a treadmill!

6. Ladies, if you like you man to have bulging biceps then have sex more often. Sex is a great way to strengthen muscles. Imagine the effort made by your man through those difficult pushes and flexions! Of course, it all depends on the stunts in your bed…but it’s definitely better than running for miles on miles.

7. The more active your sex life, the more attractive and irresistible you become for the opposite sex. Really! An active sex life means that your body gets into the habit of releasing more pheromones, chemicals that attract all those gorgeous, luscious women! No wonder Casanova was so popular!

8. Sex can sharpen your senses; especially enhance your sense of smell. After sex, prolactin is released that activates the stem cells in the brain to form new neurons in the olfactory bulb. This helps to improve your sense of smell.

9. A pain reliever, sex is TEN times more effective than painkillers such as Valium. Just before orgasm, the hormone oxytocin’s level rises almost 5 times, leading to release of large amount of endorphins. Endorphins are natural painkillers and relieve you of pain, minor headaches, and migraines without any after effects. Next time your lady has a headache, treat her with a vigorous session of lovemaking rather than a Valium.

10. The act of Kissing stimulates salivation, which helps clean food particles stuck between the teeth and lowers the acidity level in your mouth. This is the primary cause of tooth decay. So kiss all you want, after all it’s a great excuse!

So my dear friends, sex is not just good for the mind, the body, but the wallet as well!

Find out how to get that wonderful glowing apres orgasm feeling with the man of your dreams by heading to http://www.mr-right.me/