There are some questions that will always crop up like clockwork, every time I hold a live event, a coffee morning or coach somebody on a 1:1 basis. So today I’m addressing one of the most frequently asked questions I get as soon as you girls begin to learn the secrets of attracting your perfect Mr Right.
Where are all the decent men hiding?
So below, I’ve compiled a list of my top 5 venues where you’re most likely to find him, and before you read on, please note the absence of any bars, clubs or internet dating sites.
“Wow” I hear you say, “you mean to say that single men really do exist out in the real world?!”
Err, yes, if you know where to look. As those who have already read my book “Mr Right” will know, I believe that the traditional places for finding a partner for life (bars, clubs, pubs, dating websites etc.) are actually the worst environments to do it, not the best. This is because they are all unnatural environments that don’t necessarily reflect your usual behaviour once in a stable relationship. After all, would you surf the internet to find new friends? (Okay, the facebook addicts can put their hands down now) Would you wander down to your local pub/club/bar in order to find someone that might be offering that perfect new job you’ve been looking for? Of course not (I hope!)
So why do people repeatedly use these environments to choose their partner for life?
Answer: Habit.
So in order to break the habit, you need a new and improved one. Here are my top 5 tips of both venues and a few accompanying ideas of how to initiate a conversation in a natural, non-needy way once you spot him there…
- Art Gallery.
The perfect environment for a natural conversation to develop around the piece of art you both find yourself staring at. Art is always subjective, it stirs a feeling inside you and even the most uneducated of human beings have an opinion on it. It’s the easiest place in the world to start a conversation because the environment evokes emotion on many levels, and what better starting point for getting to know somebody.
Don’t be fooled into thinking that the galleries will be full of stuffy “arty” types, you’ll be sure to find some incredibly interesting people inside the walls of these places, and are usually quite well-heeled to boot.
Insider info: The smaller the gallery the better, you’re more likely to bump into the same person a couple of times, therefore increasing the likelihood of a conversation being initiated. Also, most shops that sell art to the public have a mailing list of private launches that they will invite you to. You don’t have to buy anything, or even be knowledgeable, you just get a party invitation from them once or twice a year.
- Wine Tasting.
This has all the trappings of a perfect environment. It’s in the host’s interests to ensure everyone is having a good time because if people feel comfortable, they’re more likely to buy a case of the wine he’s sloshing into your glass for free. Everyone has a common interest in discussing each bottle’s attributes whilst the usual social barriers fade into the distance with the onset of tipsiness. Perfect! Just be careful not to get sloshed and end up doing something that even Bridget Jones might cringe at.
- Public Transport.
Useful, now you have the warm glow from the wine tasting, you’ll probably talk to everyone on the bus en-route home. Aside from that, all means of public transport are fantastic places to begin an interaction, and by this I include airport lounges, the escalators up and down the shopping centre or tube station, lifts, busses, trains, anywhere that you are going to be in a fixed environment with somebody for a period of time.
For example, here’s one way of starting a conversation on a train, it’s a question followed by a statement that leads gently into a conversation without seeming forced or fake. I’ve kept it briefer than it would naturally be in conversation due to the fact that I’m just illustrating the idea, not the content (and yes, it did really happen to me)
“Does this train go to Birmingham?”
“Yes, it does.”
“Just thought I’d check as the signs on the platform were a little confusing. I once ended up standing all the way to Paris due to a mix up of platforms.”
“Really.”
“Yes, I boarded the packed Eurostar train just before departure, and arrived at my seat to find an elderly lady sat in it. I pointed the fact out to her that she was sat in my seat, but she was adamant it was hers. I therefore retrieved the ticket from my pocket and waved it under the dozy bat’s nose, clearly depicting the seat, row and carriage that she was occupying. She looked a little befuddled and then checked her ticket which also sported the same seat, aisle and carriage number as mine. Swearing to wring the neck of the travel agent upon my return, I then stood in the aisle for the duration of our journey. Several hours later, upon hearing the announcement that we would shortly be reaching our destination; Gare de Nord, Paris, The old bat then piped up with a mumbled apology, as she was meant to be on the Brussels train, not the Paris one!”
"How interesting, it reminds me of..."
This story always gets a laugh, and is just an example of how a conversation on a train can be created with little prompting or thought. If you commute on the train every day, it may be worth doing a little homework and coming up with something similar that you can use, should you end up sat opposite Him on your journey home one evening.
If you think this sounds a little forward or far-fetched, one of my close friends had their first child last year, with a man she met on the 6-15 from Waterloo on a rainy dismal Tuesday evening.
- Department Store.
“What!” I hear you say. Yes, really, a department store is the most magical place to hunt down that perfect man of your dreams. Don’t believe me? Well this weekend, head out to a city near you and just take your eyes off of all the sparkly things with price tags on long enough to take in your environment and just marvel at the number of men all around you.
Don’t be fooled if they have girls with them, often guys will take a friend along for a female opinion on clothes or home-wares. It doesn’t mean that they’re in a relationship, a simple observation of their body language towards each other should reveal the answer in most cases (If the guy looks happy and positive but there’s little intimate physical contact like hand holding, touching in intimate areas like around the waist, inside thigh, bum etc. or prolonged eye gazing then they are probably just friends).
Head to a men’s clothing department and pick out two shirts that you quite like, then search for your nearest man hunk in order to get his opinion on which he would prefer. You can act as-if you are buying for a friend’s birthday or something similar but just can’t make your mind up. If this is too bold for you, then try asking a couple of assistants for their opinion first, as this will always boost your conversational muscles.
After all, they’re being paid just to be nice to you so you’re only helping them do their job!
- Sporting Events.
Whilst I’m an avid fan of keeping a healthy mind & body, you should also realise that it can be a great help in finding your soul-mate whilst you do it. Now I wouldn’t recommend entering a triathlon if you have a cream cake, beer and cigarette addiction, whilst your family has a history of dodgy heart conditions, I would however, wholeheartedly recommend choosing an activity that fits within your capabilities and lifestyle. After all, there are walking clubs that organise a riverside amble whilst dangling the metaphoric carrot of a pub lunch at the end of it up and down the country every weekend of the year.
There’s also hoards of men flocking to the various sports grounds and stadiums week in-week out for their fix of cheering and camaraderie, imagine how much attention a group of five or six single girls would get in an environment like that, quite a lot I would think… Then there’s the various clubs offering anything from badminton to bowls, hockey to horse riding, scaling a cliff face to sailing a skiff race. There’s a wealth of leisure pastimes that would promote easy conversation and an instant connecting topic to build on. You get the added bonus of doing something healthy, and you are in an environment with like-minded people who you are more likely to have other things in common with.
Actually, on second thoughts, I’m being ridiculous here.
Surely you’d be better off standing with your back to the bar in a loud club, listening to the onslaught of overly suggestive slurs coming out of the mouth of yet another bloke called Darren from Croydon, who you’re sure you recognise from the iffy picture on “Perfect-soulmate.con” but he doesn’t now seem to be the attractive prospect you’d imagined from reading his description, with that “gsoh, generous and athletic person who loves both the passion and adventure of an impromptu weekend away, as well as the relaxed intimacy of a glass of wine and a dvd whilst cuddled up on the sofa” type of personality his profile might have suggested…
For more great tips and to get your copy of Mr Right-the book, please click the link below:
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